Saturday, 31 January 2015

Too little too late

I think I was very clear about wanting snow so I could work from home...  So of course it waited till Saturday when I actually had no work and my own plans to be out and about...  Also it's wet and sleety not soft and fluffy. So not much happening today. Except getting my hair cut the now. Wish me luck!

Friday, 30 January 2015

Crap day apart from the walking

The snow - such as it was - was gone by the time I clawed my way out of bed this morning so I had no excuse to work from home. And morale at the office was so low this morning I really really wished I had. I wasn't directly affected myself, but you wouldn't believe (unless you work in an office) how much time was spent this morning on rehashing certain events that took place yesterday. Because nothing fixes a struggling project like pi$$ing off all the staff and uniting them in resentment...
Ah well, today was not a brilliant day.  The morning was, as above, full of hostility and anger. In the afternoon I was told my contract was probably not going to be extended. Which is not a calamity given I have a possible lead already on another job, but still isn't lots of fun. And I was starving. So I had a Bounty.
After work I blew off some steam with a second (dry)walk and I admit it, a bit of booze. Now, one beer later, I'm feeling more relaxed. And at least it's the weekend... Here's some more photos from my lunchtime walk as the evening one wasn't very picturesque...

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs scrambled with veg and some homemade gf bread
Lunch: soup
Dinner: bolognese sauce on cabbagetti
Snacks: Chicken liver pate with chopped veg; yogurt.

Took a lunchtime walk...

The weather turned on me! Lovely sunshine when I left, and in under an hour icy rain, clouds and a bitter wind.
But still no snow.

The canal towpath was sloppy and slippery underfoot - with plenty of massive puddles to dodge - and my back decided to ache all the way. Still glad I went through - fresh air (and it was really fresh!), a bit of exercise and a break from my desk that I badly needed.

Thursday, 29 January 2015

as I said... Today was a better day

My little diet meltdown yesterday has me considering my options regarding the antidepressants I'm taking. I was already considering weaning myself off them following our house move (I thought it would be a bad idea to do it before then given my well established stressed /depressed reaction to moving house) as I don't want to spend years on them again. But if I can feel so low while taking them - and be driven to binge as self-medication while taking them - maybe I should bring that forward so I'm not taking ineffective chemicals with side effects any longer than necessary. I can buy a lot of chocolate and cake for the price of a prescription after all. I'm not going to leap into a knee jerk reaction, I don't know if I would have been suicidal rather than bingeicidal without the pills, and obviously I will have to come off them gradually rather than cold turkey if that's my decision, but I'm kind of in favour at the moment.
I was right about today being better! I didn't even eat all the food I'd taken to work, and only snacked on fruit. I didn't get a proper walk because I had to go to the post office, which didn't bother me that much given how cold it was.
And on the subject of cold, I requested enough snow to provide an excuse to work from home...  I got a piddling little sleet shower as I drove home, and arrived to approximately 2 mm of snow on the back lawn. Pathetic...

Food today:
Breakfast: hard boiled egg salad made with homemade garlic mayo; fruit
Lunch: prawn mayo salad with salad veg
Dinner: chicken stuffed with philadelphia and sun dried tomatoes and sweet potato fries. Oh, and sauerkraut.
Snacks: fruit

Today WILL be better...

I have to admit something, in a little whisper so that any roaming diet police can't hear me...
Yesterday having a binge DID help. I felt happier while eating all that crap and calmer afterwards and today I don't feel as miserable as I did. I know the usual statement after a binge is one of regret, shame, guilt and so forth, all of which I have often posted about, but this time...  It made me feel better, and now I feel like it's out of my system, which is why today will be better.

Wednesday, 28 January 2015

Sugar. (literally)

I crumpled like a paper bag.
The mind and body were both weak.
Damn damn damn DAMN
Please excuse my language - but I'm upset. Frustrated. Annoyed. And all round not happy.
Dreadful weather prevented any real walk at lunchtime. (although didn't stop me popping to the nearest shop to buy binge fodder) A request to let someone view the current rental house tomorrow means housework will prevent an after work walk. And housework... Well, there's no better reason I can think of for a bad mood. Especially following a rubbish day at work and a binge.

Oh well. Thanks Deniz & Roxie for your support!

I want to binge

Really really a lot