Sunday, 7 February 2016

Christmas lunch

As we work through a limited company M and I are entitled to go out for a meal on expenses every year. We didn't bother during the actual holiday season because everything was so busy with other people's Christmas celebrations, so instead we went today - to the wonderful Hinds Head in Bray. We've been there before and I was amazed and impressed that they remembered I'm gluten free even though I forgot to tell them when I booked.
The food and drink were amazing - and not at all low carb or diet friendly.
A milk and cookies cocktail served in a mini milk churn
The absolute best practice and ham soup on the planet
10oz ribeye 
With triple cooked chips 
And finally a chocolate and blood orange fool (the chocolate fool covered a heart of blood orange sorbet - absolutely delicious)
I also had a second cocktail, a 3 rum concoction called a rum old fashioned, which utilised dry ice and was both beautiful and spectacular, but they I'd forgotten about photo taking.
It was a lovely meal and a gorgeous day (apart from the wind)

And I'd already walked almost 5 miles before that, so obviously it was as good as calorie free - right?

Friday, 5 February 2016


Yesterday it occurred to me that probably this new depressed phase is down to still feeling stupid and angry with myself over the internet scam. And maybe the bingeing on food guaranteed to hurt my weight and digestive system is more about punishing myself than comfort.
It didn't stop me eating badly yesterday, but I didn't actually binge so that feels like a step in the right direction.
As M said to me yesterday, I can't change what happened so I need to move on. While remembering the lesson, of course.
Yesterday we went to Wetherspoons for their Curry Club (I didn't have a curry but M likes their Flaming Dragon curry). I drank draught beer and ate way more than I generally eat at night but truthfully have no regrets on that - it cheered me up to have a change, go out, and chat to a couple of total strangers at the bar. And today, even though I'm shattered because the beer (or the chips and onion rings) interrupted my sleep even more than usual, I'm actually feeling on a more even keel.
Thanks Diane, Joy, and Rachel for you comments yesterday. I am following Diane's suggestion of thinking about things to be happy about / thankful for - and you are all high on that list for your support and caring xxx

Wednesday, 3 February 2016

Depressed again

The last couple of days have been somewhat hard due to being very down and bingeing quite a lot. I didn't weigh myself this morning after yesterday's overeating and I'm fighting the urge to hide out in my baggy black 'invisible Chrissie' clothes again. The only reason I didn't stay in bed all day working in my nightclothes is that I had to go out on errands this morning - more below on that. I'm thinking about asking for an increase in the dosage of my meds but don't want to jump straight into that if this is going to wear off on its own because of the side effects. I don't want to be too 'blunted' if that's the right word - the way people are often depicted on TV with no pleasure or pain in life, but I also don't want to gain another 10lbs or more with the bingeing. Decisions decisions. Obviously yesterday the only decision I made was not to post - because I was trying to think of a plus side / bright side and couldn't. Maybe the fact that I managed to post today is a bright side for me - even if reading this far has depressed the hell out of you :-)

In the meantime I have been working from home so that I can deal with the last stages of the end of our last rental contract - letting the cleaners in yesterday and locking up after them, letting a carpet cleaning man in today, and also getting the windows cleaned. It rained about an hour after the windows guy left. Of course.

Monday, 1 February 2016

Just another...... Monday

My weekend was pretty quiet. I came down from my homicidal rage without actually killing anybody and my built me a buttload of flat packed Idea furniture so I could finally put my clothes away (rummaging through black bags looking for underwear was no fun any more by approximately Day 1 in the new house). I did some walking but nothing particularly inspirational, spent some time doing housework (cleaning an oven - yuck) and doing laundry, and tried to watch a movie but got bored with it really quickly. I also drank some whisky and some beer - not much of either, but still....
And then suddenly it was Monday and I was heading back to the office.
This morning it wasn't too cold and it was dry, but very windy. I always get to work about 10 minutes before the doors are unlocked and when I switched off the car's engine I could feel the wind pushing at my car. 
By 9:15 I was monumentally bored and thinking bingeing thoughts. Thoughts of cakes and cookies and desserts and the vending machine full of chocolate and crisps.
Sigh. I caved. 
I went shopping at lunchtime and bought some crap to eat. Some = too much of course.
On the plus side (have you noticed I've been trying to find a plus side lately? I'm not necessarily good at it, but trying) I didn't use that as an excuse to blow the rest of the day, and I didn't drink tonight.

Friday, 29 January 2016


At the end of the week from hell the bastards pushed the deployment back to next week.
All the overtime completely unnecessary. All the stress completely unnecessary.
I hate everything. Again.

Thursday, 28 January 2016

The stress... The stress....

Yesterday I started work at 6 and rushed like a mad thing most of the day. Several times I forgot to go to the bathroom until it was painful not to, I didn't drink anywhere near enough fluids and I got no exercise. I didn't even have the time to bitch about the horrible weather!
Today was the same (apart from the weather, which was cold but beautiful) and although tomorrow may be less frantic, it's likely to last even longer. Thank goodness this doesn't happen often.
Oh yes, and because I wasn't stressed enough by work and my side task of arranging to have our old rental cleaned for the handover, today was the first day of TTOM - and I had stomach cramps that felt like a puma was clawing it's way out of my stomach.
But it's not all bad - despite massive temptation I didn't drink or eat anything outside my diet plan. The eating side was easy - the not drinking was harder. Every day it should get easier though - stomach cramps possibly excepted...

Tuesday, 26 January 2016

Work all the hours

Today was annoying on so many levels. I had to work from home to take receipt of a parcel M ordered at the weekend. I obviously wouldn't mind that apart from the fact that I wasn't given any kind of time slot so every time I had to go to the bathroom I was convinced the door bell would ring. (It arrived around 12:30 so after that I could have relaxed if not for...)
Massive work pressure this week. We have to deploy some code on Friday (another long day of course) and to get ready for that we have to cram a week's work into 3 days. And it's a part of the system I know very little about and don't really understand. What could possibly go wrong? I actually hope we find a colossal bug so it gets delayed till next week - but I don't really think that will happen. In order to help us get the deployment out my boss has hijacked loads of other people to help with the testing and kindly designated me as the one who decides who does what so we don't duplicate effort. Which is great because I don't actually agree that throwing extra bodies at it is the best way to go but now I have to try to make it work. Sigh.
Added to the above the weather was gross all day. Strong winds and heavy rainfall off and on - and I could hear it all against the windows and down the chimney. It was somewhat depressing but I still managed not to eat badly (maybe a little too much homemade baked pork rinds) and stayed away from the booze completely. I didn't get any exercise thanks to the expected delivery combined with the weather but I did wear a skirt all day even though I was home alone - and it fitted significantly better than the last time I wore it!