Thursday, 18 September 2014

Still struggling

Yesterday I did ok foodwise apart from too much homemade pork scratchings and resorting to a protein flapjack again. I worked from home at short notice and had left my replacement snack (greek yogurt) at the office, so it was the best I could do. 
Yesterday was fairly boring and at the same time intensive. I was checking data all day, so I had to focus on the most boring data imaginable - and today was more of the same (but being back in the office helped for once because I wasn't working alone on the sofa). I didn't train, though I intended to, but only walked about 2.5 miles. 
Today I didn't train before work due to my continued knackeredness. It's been over a week - maybe 2 - since I had a decent nights sleep without waking up about 2:30am and I can hardly remember what being rested feels like. So training at 4:30am did not appeal... Nor did walking at lunchtime, though I managed a couple of miles after work. God I need a good night's sleep...

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs scrambled with bacon, mushrooms & spinach
Lunch: homemade soup - sort of potato & leek (but with sweet potato not normal potato and coconut milk instead of cream) with added chicken.
Dinner: chicken & lamb kebab (takeaway)
Snacks: Greek yogurt with banana, plum, cashews.

Tuesday, 16 September 2014


Balls balls
Binged today
I blame yesterday's sandwich - bought for incredibly mature and reasoned reason that I missed my train home from Reading yesterday & therefore was stuck at the station for an extra (tedious) half hour. I'd already made myself a salad, but kept it for today. That was not a good idea. Yesterday I said the non-gf sandwich was worth it because it was delicious - but it really wasn't.
I trained this morning, so that was good. Unfortunately I couldn't walk at lunch time because I had a parcel to post. Due to having to queue to buy the padded envelope first, then queue again to weigh the parcel & pay for the postage, I didn't have time for a walk. I did however have time to buy binge food.
Ah well. I stopped bingeing around 1 pm and behaved for the rest of the day...
Tomorrow is another day, right?

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs scrambled with bacon, mushrooms & spinach
Lunch: ham & kale salad & some melon, also some crisps left over from a catered meeting
Dinner: beef stirfry
Snacks: nutty Kind bars (2 of them!!!), pork scratchings, bounty bar, fig, plum.
The Kind bars were an attempt to replace the protein flapjacks I've been eating lately but it turns out they have way, way, way too much sugar for me... And not enough protein.  All gone now thankfully

Monday, 15 September 2014

Eye check - 3 months post op

Today was my three month post-op check up for my eye - it should have happened last month but was postponed because of my holiday.
I worked from home so that I could go to the appointment and then make up the time. I dragged myself into Reading on the train and then, as usual, got stuck in the waiting room till an hour after my appointment time. I genuinely have no idea why it's so impossible for anyone at that hospital to come anywhere close to on schedule. No idea.
Especially given that when my appointment finally did happen it lasted approximately 3 minutes - if they're all like that how do you end up an hour behind by mid-morning? The important thing I guess is that it did go well - my eye is still doing well, he used the word stable - and I don't have to go back for 6 months, at which point, assuming things still look good, I'll be discharged from the Eye Clinic so yay.
Apart from that, not much worthy of mention. As usual on eye check days I walked 4 miles total between house and train station, train station & hospital. I didn't train as well because I started work early - and finished late - to make up the time spent on the trek to and from my appointment. Work was boring but I put the tv on in the background & didn't care. And that's it really. Except for a change I slept badly :-( I woke up early, tried to go back to sleep, got really bored and checked the clock... After all that, it was 3:08 am. I can't remember what a decent nights sleep looks like, it's been so damned long...
Tiredness + frustration + boredom = overeating today

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs scrambled with bacon, mushrooms & spinach
Lunch: beef sandwich - not gf (Marks & Spencer - and worth it) :-0
Dinner: chicken & ham kale salad
Snacks: wasabi peas, protein flapjack.

Friday, 12 September 2014

Activity at last

Well, I hardly slept last night and today I feel like someone dropped a piano on my head (I think, not speaking from experience :-)). When tired the rest of the week it felt like a totally physical tiredness but my brain was no less awake than it usually is; today my brain feels completely zonked. I've come to the conclusion that it's not really about being tired since I wasn't sleeping badly before last night; I think I've actually been depressed, and not in the general situational sense that comes with a death / divorce / medical diagnosis or other traumatic experience, more in the annoyingly undefined amorphous not enough serotonin (or something) sense. Of course there are studies saying that exercise is really helpful for mild depression, so if I'm right I've been doing exactly the wrong thing by resting this week. Ah well.
So at lunchtime I made myself go for a walk and then I went for another one after work.
Did it make me feel better?
While I was out at lunch, it was really nice,


but then I had to return to work...
The walk after work was less attractive, and if I go for long solo (boring) walks when I'm down I often spend the time wallowing and end up lower than before, so I risked life and limb by reading my kindle all the way for distraction (didn't really risk much as I don't read crossing roads and do check very frequently for other pedestrians / cyclists / animals in my path). I expect I feel better for having gone than I would have without the exercise, and I'm glad I broke my run of totally idle days anyway. I walked 6.5 miles today in total!!!
One positive thing about this week that I'm trying to cling to is that I haven't craved junk food even when lacking energy - usually I would have been struggling to resist the quick sugar boost. I ate a Bounty one day because I literally didn't feel well, but that didn't trigger a binge, and although cakes & doughnuts have appeared in the office twice this week I haven't even been tempted... And last weekend I twice bought snack-packs of dried fruit (one mango, one dried apple chips) - brands I have eaten before and enjoyed - and both times threw them away after a  couple of bits because they were TOO SWEET!!! From a person who adores Lemon Meringue Krispy Kremes that's quite a change! I think maybe I am one of those people who need slightly higher healthy carbs, I was struggling because my body was demanding them, and now I've started eating rice & potatoes again (though not yet in the quantities recommended in the perfect health diet) I'm giving my body more what it wants at last. Of course just a week or two isn't enough to be sure, but I think not wanting to binge through TOTM & a depressed week is probably a good sign. And if I'm seeing a good sign there, maybe my walks today were better for me than I gave them credit for above!

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs scrambled with prawns, ham & cauliflower - all sitting in the fridge needing to be used up
Lunch: rice and salt beef salad
Dinner: chicken wrapped in Parma ham with mushroom risotto
Snacks: Yogurt, protein flapjack. These flapjacks are convenient but definitely not Perfect Health Diet so I need to stop eating them and come up with something healthier, cheaper and hopefully no less convenient

Thursday, 11 September 2014

Well that was a waste of time

Today was.. was... Well, a dead loss really.
So I didn't train again this morning - still too tired / apathetic. Ditto no walk at lunchtime due to work stuff - and speaking of - the. most. frustrating. day. ever. at work. I spent most of the morning trying to get an environment sorted out so I could work overtime this evening - a deployment at 10pm - 10 PM!!! and eventually failing (for which I am actually, unsurprisingly, grateful even though the day dragged like a week and felt totally unproductive at the time.) But then work generally sucks at the moment any way so that was just par for the course.
Enough moaning damn it! I'm going to do something active tomorrow - I am - either a walk OR a training session... Probably not both, but something!

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs scrambled with prawns, green pepper & tomatoes
Lunch: rice and salt beef salad
Dinner: well fed chocolate chili over courgette noodles
Snacks: Yogurt, protein flapjack

Wednesday, 10 September 2014

Not training...

I woke up this morning with no energy - I just felt totally drained. I'm not sure why as I don't remember lying awake all night or anything,but I just couldn't find the strength to train and if I'd been able to come up with an excuse I would have worked from home (then of course work was really frustrating, especially in the morning, so I spent the day wishing I had)
At lunchtime I wanted to go for a good walk but had to queue in the post office to send off a parcel and didn't have time - more frustration!
Ah well, I guess a rest day was called for / forced upon me and I did get some chores done instead so the time wasn't wasted completely.

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs scrambled with bacon, a tiny bit of boiled new potato, and cauliflower
Lunch: rice and chicken salad
Dinner: tinned tuna in homemade tomato & pepper sauce over courgette noodles
Snacks: Greek yogurt, protein flapjack

Tuesday, 9 September 2014

Training, training...

I lasted the full 40 minutes training today - I think I slept through the first 18 or so! I did feel tired again, maybe I'm just not one of those people who trains strongly while fasted, but if I wait till after work it's unlikely to happen, if I trained before work but later (and therefore started & finished later) I'd quickly stop doing it at all due to annoying traffic, I guess something is better than nothing? Right? I'm still not sleeping through till morning so it could just be that I'm actually tired rather than needing food for fuel. I need to retire from work, then I'd be able to fit everything in. Or maybe work part time (at full time rates)... Anyone got a job like that going? If not, how about a winning lottery ticket you don't need? Anyone?
Deafening silence...
I walked 2 miles at lunchtime which was nice and sunny but maybe just a little bit too hot. I went to my favourite farm shop, and as usual had to fight back the urge to buy half the shop - at scarily inflated prices of course. I considered another walk after work but I was tired and had a few chores to do so I didn't bother in the end (damned decluttering...) Now I'm shattered & can hardly keep my eyes open... at 8:20pm!

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs scrambled with bacon, leek & yellow pepper + a tiny bit of boiled new potato
Lunch: leek & potato soup blended with Greek yogurt and eaten chilled as 'vichyssoise'
Dinner: Beef & chorizo burger with sauteed potatoes & salad (the burger served between 2 large red pepper slices)
Snacks: homemade pork rind (very small portion),Greek yogurt (also very small portion)