Friday, 27 February 2015

Last day

I finished my contract today and was sadder than I expected which probably means I was in danger of becoming institutionalised there. Although it could also just mean I've been working with nice people for a year and will miss them.
I didn't plan to do the obligatory cake /doughnut buying thing but in the end I did, as a sort of apology for being too antisocial to go for leaving drinks /pub lunch, and by doing it I had a reason to get my 2 mile walk in - a much more enjoyable walk than yesterday due to some sunshine and no rain. Although it seems to have gotten colder again as the cloud cover cleared. I ate one cookie - white chocolate and raspberry - just to join in :-) and thoroughly enjoyed it without in any way wanting more than one.
I left work around 2:30 and when I got home, thought about getting back on the climber.... But it was sunny, so a walk was more appealing.  I walked another 5 and a half miles, exploring. I also did 50 push ups before work. I still didn't probably burn off all the calories in the cookie, but I felt a lot better for it! In the evening we got a takeaway to 'celebrate' the end of my contract - that wasn't on my menu plan, but I needed it. I'm slightly surprised by how much leaving there bothered me, but I've actually worked there longer than anywhere else so I suppose it's not that much of a mystery.

Food today:
Breakfast: bacon and eggs
Lunch: Chicken salad using leftover chicken adobo
Dinner: Chinese takeaway - salt and pepper chicken wings followed by kung pao chicken and rice. And yes, some chips as well.
Snacks: cookie; toasted coconut flakes.

Thursday, 26 February 2015


 Today was my last opportunity to go for a lunchtime walk with my colleague as he's working from home tomorrow - so of course it was wet all morning. We discussed whether to risk it or not and both decided it didn't look too bad. So off we went....  And after I got back, despite trying to fit my entire body under the hand drier in the ladies room, I spent the rest of the afternoon wearing jeans that were wet from the knee down along with a damp wool sweater. Still worth it though - given it was my only chance.
I also did 45 push ups in the morning before work and 25 in the evening. I'm not sure if I feel suddenly energised and inspired or if I'm having a nervous breakdown. It's not likely to last very long knowing me so I'm not pacing myself, I'm going to make the most of it while it does last.

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs scrambled with mushrooms, tomato and onion
Lunch: homemade broccoli soup
Dinner: chicken adobo with broccoli (I may be turning slightly green around the face)
Snacks: pate with cucumber; Greek yogurt and fruit. No chocolate, gluten, added sugar of any kind...

Wednesday, 25 February 2015

I'm so tired I think I'm delirious...

My deployment finished at 10:45 last night - so relatively early.  However I'd been having problems with my eye again during the testing and had a pounding headache by then, so I had to take painkillers - usually at night I prefer to see if I can sleep it off without pills, but it just felt like that wouldn't happen. I then forgot to change my alarm so it went off at 4:45 this morning :-(
Anyhow, shortly after hauling myself out of bed I found myself donning a sports bra (and other training gear) and getting on the climber for 20 minutes. Given the length of my time off it and the decision to change my former on it that was as much as I could manage, and I only did that because my body was upright but my brain was still in bed....
At lunchtime I went for a walk in the hope it would wake me up a bit. It didn't really but it was quite mild and intermittently sunny so a fairly pleasant couple of miles anyway. And I deliberately left my purse behind to avoid any temptation to buy any extraneous food. Which was lucky because I walked past a fish &  chip shop that smelled really good.... So after work I repeated the process, going for another 2.5 mile purseless walk on which I found a local nature reserve (very bleak at the moment but promising for better weather)

I also did some push ups. All the physical activity that I hoped would wake me up instead left me drained...  But but but - I didn't eat chocolate or gluten or crisps today!!! The main, if not only advantage exercise has for me when I want to lose weight is that it makes me less willing to screw it all up eating crap. Though sometimes it makes me hungrier. Not today happily.

Food today:
Breakfast: gf roll with chicken and bacon  Lunch: homemade carrot and ginger soup soup
Dinner: crispy chicken livers with salad

Snacks: pate with cucumber; Greek yogurt and fruit

Tuesday, 24 February 2015

Some good points, some not so good

I still failed to resist chocolate today but I think I'm finally sick of it.
I did walk almost 4 miles and also did 20 push ups.
Today we found out we were getting all our deposit back on the last rental - slightly unexpectedly as we thought they pretty much always find something to charge you for, so that was good.
And I have a deployment tonight at 10pm.  Less good. Possibly I should really have persuaded them to let me off since its my last week.
People at work have started making sad noises about me leaving. I'm sad about it myself, as despite a lot of moaning it is one of my favourite places to work with some great people. It's nice that they aren't looking forward to me going either.
Still having pain in my eye. Definitely not good.

Food today:
Breakfast:eggs scrambled with gammon, mushrooms and onion
Lunch: homemade broccoli soup
Dinner: chicken salad
Snacks: pate with celery; Greek yogurt and fruit. Deposit celebratory chocolate.

Late Monday post

I meant to post yesterday as usual but wasn't feeling great - mainly more pain in my eye, plus a headache probably linked to that - so although I worked from home I didn't do anything else requiring computer use - reading or writing blogs. I also walked less than a mile and ate some chocolate to make myself feel better. Actually the thing that seems to help the eye feel better most effectively is whiskey, but for obvious reasons I can't really do that as much, so chocolate seems a better option. :-)
Anyway. My weekend was a total food crapfest with lots of carbs and a fair bit of gluten (I know, I know, what else is new...)  but also some planning and lots of walking and exploring the area.
Even though I had chocolate yesterday, I'm not letting the planning go to waste (once again I stuck to eating everything on the plan, I just added the garbage)

I have a meal plan for the week:

Monday: Roast Gammon with oven chips and sauerkraut
Tuesday: Chicken salad
Wednesday: Crispy chicken livers with salad
Thursday: Chicken adobo (thighs in slow cooker)
Friday: Pork tenderloin with Asian pb sauce, rice and veg
Saturday: Chicken salad
Sunday: Chicken roast dinner

Snacks also planned for the week: 150g per day of Greek yogurt; 50g of (bought) Brussels pate with veg

Friday, 20 February 2015

Those who fail to plan...

I'm feeling a little bit better about things today, mainly because of the kind comments from Diane and Joy yesterday - thank you both. I love the idea of living like a dog (the living in the moment, not so much the sniffing butts) and definitely think that's a healthier - and happier - mindset than my current gloom. I think the gloom comes more naturally to me, but I want to work on that!
I do generally write menu plans and even stick to the plan (apart from the odd subversive Takeaway suggestion) for the main meals of the day - but I've never done it for the snacks that I seem to need between the meals and I do think that is a major contributor to my current position. I bought crap from a vending machine because I was hungry and had nothing to hand. Then that became a habit and then, as a result, it seemed OK to buy that sort of thing in shops even when there is a choice, and now here I am. I need to expand my planning. Considering how much better my shopping and meals go with a plan (when there is no house move screwing things up) I really shouldn't have needed a nudge to pick up on that, but mindfulness is not something that comes naturally to me. Because I'd rather escape into a book (or a bag of mini eggs) than focus on the chaos within my own head /life.
First step towards planning snack foods - identify the snacks that fit into my planned lifestyle: chopped veg with homemade pate or dips. (the chicken liver pate in my freezer at the moment is a bit too aromatic, I have eaten it at work but feel guilty when I do - but that's no reason to ignore it at weekends)
Pork rinds (homemade)
Yoghurt (plain Greek) alone or with berries
Cold meats
Soup I guess, but that doesn't appeal while eating soup for lunches as well
I would include fruit but after thinking about it a bit I do tend to want sweet foods even more than usual on Tuesday and Thursday - the two weekdays when my current office provides free fruit baskets - so I need to cut back on fruit I think. Sad for me.
Hard boiled eggs - more appropriate at the weekend I guess, a bit smelly for the workplace.
Toasted coconut flakes - I have half a bag somewhere, not sure where as it's been shoved into a cupboard to get it out of the way. Must find it this weekend.

I could add gf baked goods but I don't think that would be helpful while trying to clean my food up. Maybe later.

All this rambling doesn't guarantee anything will change obviously but it is helping to get my head a little bit straight and prepare for a more productive period ahead. Hopefully. Also. I feel better when I don't turn inwards and deny /hide the overeating /binging unhealthy behaviours.

Thursday, 19 February 2015

I suck. Again. Or still.

Where did the sun go and what's with the rain? It's been a lousy day today. At lunchtime it was pouring down so I didn't leave the office. I wasn't feeling brilliant before lunch with a headache plus some nausea, so fresh air might have helped but sitting still and reading a book had to do the trick.
Oh yes and eating crap. Again. If I'm going to be honest now, I've not been entirely honest about my eating this week. Don't get me wrong, I've eaten everything I've posted - but not only that. In fact I've had high carb crappy junk food every day and apart from confessing the sausage roll yesterday I've been keeping quiet about it. The main problem is I think that during the actively moving phase last week I resorted to carbs and gluten because they were easy, portable and readily available. And now I'm hooked on them again /still - even though I'm constipated, lacking energy and (as already mentioned) feeling icky. If anyone has any spare self-control lying around I would really appreciate borrowing a cup or two. Or as much as you can spare. Because I'm all out right now.
I did actually try to be good and eat home cooked this evening but M put the idea of a Chinese takeaway in my head and I was weak...  No surprise given my apparently amputated sense of restraint.

Food today:
Breakfast: eggs poached on homemade gf toast
Lunch: homemade Cauliflower & broccoli soup. All gone now :-(
Dinner: salt and pepper squid (amazing) followed by disappointing kung pao prawns and steamed rice
Snacks: homemade pork rinds, yogurt and fruit, chocolate, crisps